i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
