It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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