so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
