In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
