We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
