She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
