Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
