Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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