is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
