I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
