No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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