good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
