A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I skipped work to stalk him.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
