i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
