I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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