So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
