she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
