I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
