Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
