The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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