Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
