Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
