I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
