Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Every concussion has its silver lining
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
