New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
