u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
