how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
