shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My penis needs a shock collar
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
