I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
