meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
