Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dick very happy bro
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize