I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
