At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
