my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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