her vagina looked like bernie madoff
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
