I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
