She's JV to your varsity
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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