I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
