I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
