So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
