If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
