I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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