Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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