I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
