i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the day after is always just damage control
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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