Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
