highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
