speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
