this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
