Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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