Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
