Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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