I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I smell like Dick and happiness
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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