Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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