I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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